Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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