Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
