god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
