i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
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