i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
