whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
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