Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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