Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
