I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
