I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
