I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
