we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
