ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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