there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
