New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
