Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
