Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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