Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Jerry, you need to find god
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
