he puts the penis in happiness.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
