is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
