please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
