tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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