This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
