dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Randomize
