I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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