Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize