so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
