I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
