so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Can you repeat that, but with context?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
