Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
did i just pee glitter
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
