he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
