You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize