In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
