How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
