capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
The air was thick with penises
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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