he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Randomize
