i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
