so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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