How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
