I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
