I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
