Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
