dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
