i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize