I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
