I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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