Operation Purity has been aborted
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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