The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
where are you?
Hypothermia
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
