Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
