speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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