hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
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