You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
