I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
