i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
