I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
