btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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