Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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