u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
