Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
