just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Randomize