you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
