he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
