I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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