If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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