why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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