if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
